… and I’m back.

I just can’t stand it any longer. Having two blogs seemed logical in the beginning… well, I guess it still is considering the content on this site (my dad does NOT need to know about my sex life!) but I find myself kind of in limbo. We started the “adoption” blog for friends and family. But, over time I began to realize that losing my anonymity created a problem. I was trying to say just the right things or felt I would need to censor my feelings. I always find myself returning here where my blogging journey began. I still get more hits on this site than I should considering the hiatus. So it’s worth something I suppose.

Alrighty.

Where to start.

Ok, so we have been approved to adopt. Well, technically we were approved back in June but we just payed our $2,000 to get the ball rolling… or to push us into the dreaded waiting stage. That makes a grand total of $4,500 (give or take) so far this year. I turned in our lovely little book for the expectant parents to gawk at. Took way longer than expected. What can I say, I’m not the most efficient artist. It’s cute though and I think it’s a good representation of us. Only time will tell I suppose. We have been trying to sort out our finances and man are we strapped right now. Saving for a baby is E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E. We seriously have no clue where our Christmas money is going to come from.  Hope the folks don’t mind homemade gifts this year. Needless to say, I’ve been cooking at home more :( and cutting coupons. Oh well, the Lord is providing that’s for sure. We really can’t complain (even though I just did…oops.)

For those that don’t know, we are adopting domestically and transracially. And from all the adoption blogs I read… we get double the points for controversy! Yay us! Everyone has valid points on the subjects of adopting newborns and mixed races… which in turn brought on a lot of self doubt and insecurity. Just last week my husband and I had the discussion about adopting an older child. I had gone out to splurge on some necessities for a new baby. And like I always do, I began to doubt my purchase (this happens in everything I buy though… which my DH pointed out) thinking maybe we were making a mistake. We discussed my feelings and I came to the conclusion that I was more or less in protection mode. Still trying to protect myself from the what ifs. Darn you, what ifs!!! In conclusion, we are sticking with our decision until God directs us otherwise… no matter how unethical people think our choice is.

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