Clueless

Ran into a an old co-worker/friend tonight while out with the DH. It had been four years since I’d seen her. A nice surprise I might add. We discussed our job situations…our ex co-workers. It really was going well until out of nowhere the dreaded question came up, “Do you have any kids yet?” Now the only people who used to ask were extended family…and well…they all know our situation now so I don’t have to make up excuses. But when the question hits you unexpectedly…BAM…it hits like a ton of bricks. I just answer with a, “no not yet…” and glance at my DH feeling the blood rush to my face…not really knowing what to say anymore. It used to be, “we’re working on it” or “we’re just too selfish…haha.” Now I’m at a loss. I’m hiding the truth so I can spare the other person’s feelings. I just couldn’t bare the awkwardness that would ensue. It’s a natural question to ask a couple who has been married for EIGHT years…I get that. I just forgot to have a back up plan…any ideas?

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4 Responses

  1. Yeah, we’re almost at 4 years of marriage and are getting that more and more. I just leave it at, “No, not yet” or “We’re trying” if I feel like being more open.

  2. Oh, I’ve so been there and it hurts so much. I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. I generally was pretty closed lip about the whole thing during my 3 1/2 years of IF before we had my ds. But towards the end, I started getting sick of the ‘so….when are you two gonna get busy?” type questions.

    I also work with kids, so parents were always asking me if I was a mom to size me up. I came up with this response, (always looking sullen when they would rudely ask), “No, God has not blessed us with children yet.” And then they would shut up and feel bad.

    And I loved that.

    Take care!!!!

  3. Ha I love it!

    There are so many women out there that struggle with infertility that it amazes me that people still ask this question. But I guess if you’ve never experienced it or known someone who has it’s not really on the radar.

    I find it especially hard now because we are kind of in limbo. We haven’t made a decision to move ahead with IVF or adoption…or even nothing at all.

  4. i have found that the only answer that works (meaning it doesn’t provoke more questions or a long explanation) for me is “not yet”. i don’t want to make anyone feel bad for asking, but i also don’t want to get into any specifics. :)

    best of luck to you and your husband. <3
    Dawn

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