One of those days…

I am wallowing in self pity today. Why might you ask? Well let me share. My DH and I have been married for 8 years this June, and there has been a constant problem in our marriage…sex. I have never experienced it without pain (like scale of 1-10…an 11). I was diagnosed with vaginismus shortly after we were married and I just recently realized a good bit of the pain is attributed to endo. So yeah, double whammy. I have a high pain tolerance but man it. freaking. hurts. Well I feel so guilty sometimes because well…I avoid it. And it is totally unfair to the DH…who has stuck with me (and been supportive) from the beginning. I feel so dysfunctional.

Aaaand, on top of all that the tax man was coming to work today. I worked hard last night getting all my stuff together. So I’m ready to go. All I need to do is call DH with a time to be here. Weeeell, timing never works out for DH and I. We are in the middle of a talk on the phone (about the above paragraph) and someone comes in to tell me I’m next. So I’m trying to motion that I’m not ready just this second. So what happens next? They tell the tax man to leave. WHA?! So I’m angry…upset…cried a few tears…I just keep repeating to myself: Why can’t anything go right?! EVER!! This feeling with pass I know but life…well it can really SUCK!

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2 Responses

  1. Oh, I so hear with you about painful sex! My endo and my cyst/endometrioma are givng me MAJOR pain right now (to the point, I may have to ask my doc for an IUI because 3 days in a row really KILLS). My only fix right now is a stiff glass of wine before we get to it…works better than ibuprofin or other tricks.

    I hope things seem to go ‘right’ at least a little agaiin very soon. And I hope that you and your dh can find ways to enjoy each other without too much pain!

    Eve (http://infertilityrocks.wordpress.com/)

    • ahhh…someone else feels like I do! For so many years I felt so alone in this…I mean you can’t just tell anyone about this. Thanks for the encouraging words!

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