scared.

Finally have a date scheduled for my surgery. January the 26th at 10:30 in the morning. The only good thing I can think of at the moment is at least I only have to be in by 8:30am. I thought I’d be OK with knowing exactly when I would be going in but to tell you the truth…I’m totally freaked. I’ve only told my parents and my husband this news…I don’t feel like talking about it to anyone else. Maybe I’d feel a little different if I knew I were only going in for laparoscopy. But we are calling this an “exploratory” surgery. Meaning there is a chance it could get major. There is a chance I could end up with a very large incision to go along with the three little ones. I could come out with a lot less than I go in with. All these things keep rattling in my head. The fact that I will be going into a real OR for the first time instead of the ambulatory center (where most of these surgeries take place) unnerves me. I called in today to schedule the pre-op. I guess I’ll get more details and instructions then. I assume I’ll give more blood. NOT happy about that or the impending IV or catheter or whatever else they’ll do.

So this new years  was bittersweet. Watching the ball drop only pushed me closer to the day I dread. Even though I’m hoping 2009 will prove to be better than last year, right now I can’t see it happening. I’m just pessimistic that way.

Advertisements

5 Responses

  1. ((hugs)) I understand the fear, as even after having gone under…. 4 times now for different surgeries (2 laps – one of which had several procedures, and 2 oral) I still get scared when I come up on having to have another surgery. I wish I could offer more words of comfort on the exploratory part, but the closest I’ve come to that was my “diagnostic laparoscopy”. I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone.
    J

    • thanks so much for your kinds words…and your empathy. I think I’m just anticipating how anxious I’m going to be the day of. I really dread that feeling.

  2. Would it help you or scare you more if I told you how I was the day of my last surgery (I was a wreck – to put it simply). If you want to talk about it I’ll keep commenting with you or you can email me at autoimmunelife (at) gmail (dot) com
    whichever way you’d prefer to keep in touch.

  3. OH… and I just saw the date… I was paying more attention to everything else, and the date passed through my mind…. You are having your surgery almost exactly two years after my last lap.

  4. i’ve heard that blankets can fend off even the worst of fears (; good luck.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: