PT for Pelvic Pain: Evaluation

How do I express the joy I feel at finding a PT that works with pelvic pain? Or the fact that she is absolutely wonderful? I made it to my first appointment this morning (on time!) for the evaluation. I was a little anxious but more excited to finally be taking a step towards a cure to Vaginismus. And after today, I feel such a hope that finally…FINALLY…something may go right for us!

We are looking at roughly 16 weeks of treatment. One visit to the PT per week. This could be costly…but dangit who cares at this point! We are budgeting it in. First the PT did an internal exam. Touching each muscle group to test my reaction. Then I did some pelvic floor contractions so she could feel how strong the muscles were. After this we did a biofeedback test. This test was amazing. I could visually see what my muscles were doing (as with Vaginismus you have no control over these muscles.) Basically they insert a probe about the size of a tampon in and then connect it to a computer. A chart comes up and it displays the pattern of movement in graph form. This is where we found some astonishing results. My muscles NEVER stop contracting. EVER. They never completely relax. I can’t remember what the units were to measure but lets say at a restful state your muscles should read 3 units. Mine read roughly 16. When I would contract it would be about 20 units and when I would relax it would go back to 16 (when it should go down to 3). Get the idea? These findings also mean I have very weak muscles. Mainly because they are overworked. The PT made this analogy: When you have a strenuous run you tend to feel sore afterwards…well this is how my pelvic muscles feel all the time. Ouch!

So what is the prescription for my muscle problem? Kegels for now.

1. Hold for 3 seconds; Rest for 10 seconds; 10 reps; 3 times a day
2. Quick up/down; 10 reps; 3 times a day

I think I can manage that.

Oh…and did I mention I was excited about this?!

So what’s new with you?

Well I’m back after quite a hiatus. I just couldn’t get myself to concentrate long enough to discuss anything new going on with me and my uncooperative body. It’s been a little (well maybe a lot) stressful these last few months. My body is trying to adjust coming off of Lupron, as well as, adjusting to the I.U.D. I’m actually finding myself getting chilly these days…I almost forgot what that was like. I haven’t had a hot flash in several weeks. But now that it’s getting cooler outside, I wouldn’t mind one…just to warm up the toes ;)

I had my annual appointment last month. Honestly I thought they were crazy when the RE called to schedule it. As if I hadn’t been poked, prodded, tested enough this year. But things still weren’t feeling quite right so I went anyways…against my will. And wouldn’t you believe…I had bacterial vaginosis…AGAIN! Words cannot express the frustration I felt when I heard those words. I broke down sitting in my car and called the DH. I’m not sure he knew what to make of my sobbing. But he encouraged me nonetheless. Luckily this time they gave me an oral antibiotic. Seems to have done the trick (crossing fingers).

This past week I’ve been having a period…I think. I haven’t had one in 9 months. But this is nothing in comparison to what they were before the surgery. I think I would have laughed at the thought of using a panty liner…alone. So I’m counting my blessings. Just wondering when it will end.

Tomorrow morning I start something new. I’ll be trying out a physical therapist for my vaginismus. I have to be at their office at 7:30 in the morning!  Man I hope I can be there on time. That is crazy early for me. I’m a little bit scared and anxious but still pretty hopeful that I may have found a cure. Only time will tell obviously. I’ll try to post my progress.

…by the way…it feels good to be back :)

Tubal Factor Infertility

I just read a post about tubal factor infertility. Something I had never heard of to be honest…but something I do in fact have. When I had my lap back in January it was quite obvious my fallopian tubes were damaged. The RE initially thought it was due to an infection but after the lap realized it was just a side effect of the endo. He told me that I have a very high risk of ectopic pregnancy due to this tubal defect. But it never really sunk in until I read this article…and I never even knew it had a name…tubal factor infertility.

Let’s see that makes 1-2-3 infertility factors:

1. PCOS
2. Endometriosis
3. Tubal

On another note, the IUD is going well. Every now and then I’ll get the sensation that I’m going to start my period and I still have very minimal spotting. All in all, it’s not too bad though. I have one more appointment to schedule to check on it. Then I should be RE free for a while. I think our bank account could use the break ;)

Diet…

Starting the Endo diet again. I felt so much better when I was on it. It was remarkable how it got rid of my constantly bloated stomach! So here we go again. I’m ready to feel better again…and get into my old clothes. I’m sick of  having to clasp my jeans with a rubber band and wearing shapeless t-shirts. Good-bye gluten/dairy!!!

What in the world?!

Seems as if I am gaining by the minute these days. Nothing fits me anymore. My stomache is HUGE…I’m assuming a lot of it is bloat but man my appetite is insatiable. I had to go through some old clothes this morning to find a pair of jeans that were ALWAYS too big for me. *sigh*

I need some advice…

I posted last week about a family member announcing their pregnancy on facebook. I want her to be able to express everything she is going through to her family and friends but it’s just too painful for me to read her status updates. I feel like maybe I should take her off my list of friends for the time being but I really don’t want to hurt her feelings…after all she is family…and really a wonderfully sweet girl. I really don’t know what to do…I just know I don’t want to cry into my computer screen anymore.

*UPDATE* I can just use the “hide” feature next to her status…that hides her from my news feed. painlessly.

***ANOTHER UPDATE*** this feature does not work on the IPhone :/ time to build that tougher outer skin!

Mirena I.U.D.

Had the pleasure of having an IUD inserted yesterday. Um yeah…sooo not fun. Took my DH with me…bless his heart. I think he was more traumatized than me.

First I had an ultrasound which showed very good news. NO MORE ENDO. Even the endometriomas that showed up after surgery are gone! So there is a victory. Second I had the IUD inserted. I was very anxious about it so that probably had something to do with my reaction. The whole hands and feet going numb and tingley. They had to stop mid-way to get me a cold cloth for my head and some cold water. So not only did I get my cervix dilated once but twice because of the break. Lovely. Anyways…its a three person process. I had a nurse guiding him in with the ultrasound (on my belly) and another nurse handing him all the stuff. Like the metal rods used to dilate the cervix. He first numbed me up a little bit but when he was inserting the rods…um yeah…not terribly painful but def crampy. Like a bad menstrual cramp. This happened several times until it was dilated enough to receive the IUD. Then he put the IUD in (now that hurt…I even jumped a little..but it was quick.) He cut the string and removed everything. I layed there for about 15 minutes until they brought me my Lupron shot. We splurged on frozen yogurt afterwards :)

I slept most of the evening and night. I had some slight cramping but nothing too bad. I have had some bleeding but very little. I am feeling out of sorts today though. I just want to be alone…no interaction from anybody…but I’m working so thats impossible. Oh well. So glad its over and hoping it was all worth it :)

Ouch.

I’ve been pretty good about all this…you know the whole “I can’t get pregnant thing…” I’ve been good at being genuinely happy for women who are pregnant and having babies. Surprisingly happy. But finding out last night that a close family member was having a baby…on my birthday…ON facebook sent me for a tailspin.

We had some friends over last night and I was trying to tackle some laundry as well. I was doing pretty good until my mind just started to focus on the wrong stuff. So I grabbed the last load, said good-night and headed to my room. I’m folding towels and the tears just start to fall…then uncontrollable sobs. I text DH to come see me for a sec because I can’t hide this from him. I’ve hid too many tearful nights from him. He walks in and I all but collapse in his arms.

Yesterday was tough. First a church leadership meeting (which I was scolded for not attending in the past, so I showed up) asks up a pregnant co-worker for us to all lay hands on and pray for…then this news. I think everything was just hitting too close to home if you know what I mean. It’s SO not about me…but still…it hurts.

I know I should just be focusing on what God has in store for me. I think it’s going to be far better than what I’m imagining it to be. But the road seems long…soooo long. And when someone else gets pregnant after barely 2 years of marriage I have to ask, “why not me?”

for a laugh…

When I first started this blog I was discussing with DH (who has never read my blog) that instead of naming him everytime he was mentioned, I would just call him “DH” for “Dear Husband.” He chuckled and then said it should be “AH” for “Awesome Husband.” I laughed back at him saying that I could do this but most would think I was pretty mean as “AH” can also stand for @$$hole! So DH it is ;)

Unscheduled Dr Appt…

I decided yesterday that since I was having an IUD inserted in a couple of weeks that I needed to be sure everything was good to go “down there.” I scheduled an appointment yesterday to go in and have a culture done. The last few weeks I’d been experiencing some burning with what little vaginal discharge there was (lupron dries you out!). Come to find out I have Bacterial Vaginosis. Which the doctor said commonly occurs with those that “scrub” too much. A little soap gets in and screws everything up. Nice. I have a feeling it’s because I’m so dry and not able to “self clean” if you know what I mean. The Dr prescribed Cleocin Ovules…three little suppositories to use for the next three nights. Pretty easy. However, when I opened the package they only provide one applicator?! Wouldn’t you think that when you are dealing with a bacterial infection you would want to use a different applicator with each ovule…not rewash the same one?! This shocked me. Also, they give you two options for inserting these little things. Standing up with knees bent or laying down. I tried the standing up thing first…FAIL! It fell right back out!! So laying down is the way to go…just be close to your bed as they melt pretty fast.

While I’m glad I made the appointment…I did have one thing very troublesome happen. I think since being diagnosed with Endo, it has added another phobia for me. When the Dr inserted the speculum yesterday, I about went through the roof. Like bring tears to your eyes kind of pain. She was asking me if I felt pain from the swab from where ever she was rubbing but I just told her, “I have know idea what you’re talking about…I can only focus on the pain from the speculum!” My vaginismus has gotten so much worse and I’m so saddened by this. My next step is some professional help…if I can find it. So far none of my Dr’s have been very helpful in this aspect of my health. It has been such a struggle in the last 8 years. A very painful one…both emotionally and physically. Right now I just want to break down. But I won’t…what good will it do?! Now I’m feeling more anxious about the next appointment…Lupron injection/Pelvic Anatomy exam/IUD insertion on the 18th. Which only heightens the pain vaginismus can bring. I need prayer…lots of it!