Tubal Factor Infertility

I just read a post about tubal factor infertility. Something I had never heard of to be honest…but something I do in fact have. When I had my lap back in January it was quite obvious my fallopian tubes were damaged. The RE initially thought it was due to an infection but after the lap realized it was just a side effect of the endo. He told me that I have a very high risk of ectopic pregnancy due to this tubal defect. But it never really sunk in until I read this article…and I never even knew it had a name…tubal factor infertility.

Let’s see that makes 1-2-3 infertility factors:

1. PCOS
2. Endometriosis
3. Tubal

On another note, the IUD is going well. Every now and then I’ll get the sensation that I’m going to start my period and I still have very minimal spotting. All in all, it’s not too bad though. I have one more appointment to schedule to check on it. Then I should be RE free for a while. I think our bank account could use the break ;)

Diet…

Starting the Endo diet again. I felt so much better when I was on it. It was remarkable how it got rid of my constantly bloated stomach! So here we go again. I’m ready to feel better again…and get into my old clothes. I’m sick of  having to clasp my jeans with a rubber band and wearing shapeless t-shirts. Good-bye gluten/dairy!!!

What in the world?!

Seems as if I am gaining by the minute these days. Nothing fits me anymore. My stomache is HUGE…I’m assuming a lot of it is bloat but man my appetite is insatiable. I had to go through some old clothes this morning to find a pair of jeans that were ALWAYS too big for me. *sigh*

I need some advice…

I posted last week about a family member announcing their pregnancy on facebook. I want her to be able to express everything she is going through to her family and friends but it’s just too painful for me to read her status updates. I feel like maybe I should take her off my list of friends for the time being but I really don’t want to hurt her feelings…after all she is family…and really a wonderfully sweet girl. I really don’t know what to do…I just know I don’t want to cry into my computer screen anymore.

*UPDATE* I can just use the “hide” feature next to her status…that hides her from my news feed. painlessly.

***ANOTHER UPDATE*** this feature does not work on the IPhone :/ time to build that tougher outer skin!

Mirena I.U.D.

Had the pleasure of having an IUD inserted yesterday. Um yeah…sooo not fun. Took my DH with me…bless his heart. I think he was more traumatized than me.

First I had an ultrasound which showed very good news. NO MORE ENDO. Even the endometriomas that showed up after surgery are gone! So there is a victory. Second I had the IUD inserted. I was very anxious about it so that probably had something to do with my reaction. The whole hands and feet going numb and tingley. They had to stop mid-way to get me a cold cloth for my head and some cold water. So not only did I get my cervix dilated once but twice because of the break. Lovely. Anyways…its a three person process. I had a nurse guiding him in with the ultrasound (on my belly) and another nurse handing him all the stuff. Like the metal rods used to dilate the cervix. He first numbed me up a little bit but when he was inserting the rods…um yeah…not terribly painful but def crampy. Like a bad menstrual cramp. This happened several times until it was dilated enough to receive the IUD. Then he put the IUD in (now that hurt…I even jumped a little..but it was quick.) He cut the string and removed everything. I layed there for about 15 minutes until they brought me my Lupron shot. We splurged on frozen yogurt afterwards :)

I slept most of the evening and night. I had some slight cramping but nothing too bad. I have had some bleeding but very little. I am feeling out of sorts today though. I just want to be alone…no interaction from anybody…but I’m working so thats impossible. Oh well. So glad its over and hoping it was all worth it :)

Ouch.

I’ve been pretty good about all this…you know the whole “I can’t get pregnant thing…” I’ve been good at being genuinely happy for women who are pregnant and having babies. Surprisingly happy. But finding out last night that a close family member was having a baby…on my birthday…ON facebook sent me for a tailspin.

We had some friends over last night and I was trying to tackle some laundry as well. I was doing pretty good until my mind just started to focus on the wrong stuff. So I grabbed the last load, said good-night and headed to my room. I’m folding towels and the tears just start to fall…then uncontrollable sobs. I text DH to come see me for a sec because I can’t hide this from him. I’ve hid too many tearful nights from him. He walks in and I all but collapse in his arms.

Yesterday was tough. First a church leadership meeting (which I was scolded for not attending in the past, so I showed up) asks up a pregnant co-worker for us to all lay hands on and pray for…then this news. I think everything was just hitting too close to home if you know what I mean. It’s SO not about me…but still…it hurts.

I know I should just be focusing on what God has in store for me. I think it’s going to be far better than what I’m imagining it to be. But the road seems long…soooo long. And when someone else gets pregnant after barely 2 years of marriage I have to ask, “why not me?”

for a laugh…

When I first started this blog I was discussing with DH (who has never read my blog) that instead of naming him everytime he was mentioned, I would just call him “DH” for “Dear Husband.” He chuckled and then said it should be “AH” for “Awesome Husband.” I laughed back at him saying that I could do this but most would think I was pretty mean as “AH” can also stand for @$$hole! So DH it is ;)

Unscheduled Dr Appt…

I decided yesterday that since I was having an IUD inserted in a couple of weeks that I needed to be sure everything was good to go “down there.” I scheduled an appointment yesterday to go in and have a culture done. The last few weeks I’d been experiencing some burning with what little vaginal discharge there was (lupron dries you out!). Come to find out I have Bacterial Vaginosis. Which the doctor said commonly occurs with those that “scrub” too much. A little soap gets in and screws everything up. Nice. I have a feeling it’s because I’m so dry and not able to “self clean” if you know what I mean. The Dr prescribed Cleocin Ovules…three little suppositories to use for the next three nights. Pretty easy. However, when I opened the package they only provide one applicator?! Wouldn’t you think that when you are dealing with a bacterial infection you would want to use a different applicator with each ovule…not rewash the same one?! This shocked me. Also, they give you two options for inserting these little things. Standing up with knees bent or laying down. I tried the standing up thing first…FAIL! It fell right back out!! So laying down is the way to go…just be close to your bed as they melt pretty fast.

While I’m glad I made the appointment…I did have one thing very troublesome happen. I think since being diagnosed with Endo, it has added another phobia for me. When the Dr inserted the speculum yesterday, I about went through the roof. Like bring tears to your eyes kind of pain. She was asking me if I felt pain from the swab from where ever she was rubbing but I just told her, “I have know idea what you’re talking about…I can only focus on the pain from the speculum!” My vaginismus has gotten so much worse and I’m so saddened by this. My next step is some professional help…if I can find it. So far none of my Dr’s have been very helpful in this aspect of my health. It has been such a struggle in the last 8 years. A very painful one…both emotionally and physically. Right now I just want to break down. But I won’t…what good will it do?! Now I’m feeling more anxious about the next appointment…Lupron injection/Pelvic Anatomy exam/IUD insertion on the 18th. Which only heightens the pain vaginismus can bring. I need prayer…lots of it!

Up late, worrying again…

Just realized it’s just a few days away from August. I should be excited because this month I’ll receive my last Lupron injection. However, it’s also sinking in that I made the decision to have and IUD inserted the same day. From the get go I’ve been worried about the pain of insertion and from reading posts online I have every reason to be :( Pelvic exams have been extremely unpleasant that last few times (thanks vaginismus!) and after reading about all this uterus measuring and “sounding” (whatever the heck that is) I’m a little…anxious. Also, I’m curious if anyone out there has been on Lupron and Mirena at the same time. Could this possibly eliminate any spotting, as I haven’t had a period in 5 months? Probably not…I’m going to load up on some painkillers before I go (like aleve…wish I still had something stronger ;) to reduce the cramping everyone talks about.

Anyways, I’ve had the privilege of helping out some friends lately…which has been amazing for me. It has come to my attention that not one but two dear friends have both scheduled laps for possible endo. It really saddens me but somehow makes what I have going on worth it. It almost had me on a “high” being able to share my experiences and to be a shoulder in what can seem like the loneliest place ever! I don’t want to be so secretive anymore…it’s much more therapeutic to let it all out!

Other things worth mentioning:

1. Bone scan went well. Easiest thing ever. Technician said I had a very nice spine…young and healthy :) Strange thing to hear but I took it as a compliment. I guess they aren’t used to someone my age having the test done. Still no results but I’m sure everything is fine.

2. I have to schedule a pelvic exam (ultrasound) soon to see how everything looks since my last vaginal ultrasound. In my 30 day post-op appt an endometrioma had already appeared. Hope that sucker is gone!

3. Lupron symptoms as of late: headaches, hot flashes, moodiness (get angry at the drop of a hat…I understand my mother so much better now ;) INSOMNIA. Some nights it takes forever for me to fall asleep…other times I wake up in the middle of the night for hours at a time. LAME! Increased appetite…meaning my clothes are fitting a little too tight these days.

Hopefully I’ll have good news to report after my next exam. Wish me luck :)

Bone Scan

Just last week I had a chance to talk to my RE about some symptoms brought on by Lupron. Mainly the intense fatigue…and joint pain. This is our plan of attack. I will schedule a bone scan just to make sure that the joint pain I’m having isn’t being caused by some bone density loss (already?). Then I’ll finish out my 6 months (2 more injections left) and on the 6th injection they will insert and IUD into my cervix (is this a painful procedure…something tells me it is…) I haven’t done much research on IUDs but my RE highly recommends it as it essentially does the same thing as Lupron just without the side effects (oh and no AF either…praise GOD!! ;)

So there you have it…our next step in the medical world. I have to say I feel a little relieved as this buys more time for us.